January 20th, 2008
Back to Work
I go back to work tomorrow.
Talk about anxiety.
I didn’t have this problem after I had Z. I just walked back into my new job at a new company and picked right back up where I had left off at the old place I had worked before I had to go on bedrest. This is just completely different. I am literally freaking out.
What if I don’t come up with solutions for my “projects”? What if I just work too slow? What if I am constantly in a fog? What if I make myself have a panic attack from all of the anxiety and stress? What if I end up back in the hospital? What if they only brought me back so they could find a reason to fire me because of the bipolar? That could totally happen, right? What if everyone in the plant knows that I was in a mental hospital and treats me like I am a loon or contagious?
That is just a small sampling of what is going through my head making it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything other than the bazillion questions flying at warp speed through my brain. Makes me want to pace in circles and mutter the questions over and over again to myself.
Too bad I can’t. I am a mom. I have motherly duties to do. We all have to eat. There is afternoon entertainment. Z has to get ready for bed and do the whole bathtime thing. I guess I will have to save the muttering and pacing for oh 9 pm when I get to relax from my mom job. Wait a sec…9 pm? I have to get up at 6 am tomorrow for the first time in 7 months. I guess that will only give me an hour of worry time since I will have to go to bed early.
That just stinks…I want some time to worry and work myself into more of a frenzy than I already am in.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!